The Night Before a Christmas Closing

This is for all those real estate agents who find themselves in the position of trying to close a transaction before the end of the year....

'Twas an hour before closing and the agents were tense,

To close Christmas Eve just didn't make sense.

But the seller was booked on the 6 o'clock flight

And had warned "THERE WILL BE A CLOSING TONIGHT!"

The agents agreed because business was dead,

And visions of commission checks danced in their heads.

The loan was approved by the lender's good grace,

Everyone knew it was a borderline case.

The buyers divorced, remarried again,

Divorced once more, and now were just friends.

The loan package complete to the attorney was carried,

With instructions to close before they remarried.

The title policy arrived via UPS,

From page One through Sixteen, a terrible MESS!

An improper legal, 3 judgments, a lien,

But a few lines on page seven, looked pretty clean.

The title was cleared and the closing was set,

But to finish today was not a sure bet.

The attorney dashed in waving the HUD,

It was covered with whiteout, coffee and crud.

But down in the corner you barely could see,

That the buyer still owed a buck thirty-three.

So the attorney decided to waive a part of his fee,

And the agents agreed better you than me.

To add to the turmoil, guess what hadn’t arrived?

The certificate of approval of Title V.

And the seller now wanted to change the disclosure,

His mother had just died of RADON EXPOSURE!

But everything else in his house was O.K.

(his cracked floors and walls were always that way)

About that time the buyer chimed in,

"We'd like to continue, but before we begin,

I noticed these papers - I'm likely to blame,

But I gave my agent the wrong legal name.

And one more thing I had hoped to avoid,

Does it really matter if I'm self-employed?"

Just then the closing attorney exploded,

Pulled out a gun and said it was loaded.

Everyone froze and sat there amazed,

He frothed at the mouth and his eyes were both glazed.

More rapid than rain, his curses they came,

He bristled and spouted and called them bad names.

"THE CLOSING IS OFF, DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR??

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL – NOW GET OUT OF HERE!"